I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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