somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
