i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
