I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
