His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
