well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
