If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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