is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
