Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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