omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
