Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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