she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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