Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize