you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
