I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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