11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
