If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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