Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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