yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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