all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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