How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
