Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
