I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize