Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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