david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
