i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
