How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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