I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
