How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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