he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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