she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
