I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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