i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
