in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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