Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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