I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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