where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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