Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
