It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
