Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You took a bar mat shot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
