Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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