my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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