hotel room ftw
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
