dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
