i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish I could teleport
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
