There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
