I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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