thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
