i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
