Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
