i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
