K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
