please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
