Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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