they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
