We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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