NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
