do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
