Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
