He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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