i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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