dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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