How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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