Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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