smell my finger.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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