dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize